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...Up your first day on the job (1/12/08)
Given that it's December and it's time to be jolly; and news has been nothing been sombre and depressing, I decided, while I was shampooing my hair, to do up a list for Screwing Up on your first day at work. Just for laughs.
At a time when people are stressing about possible recessions, retrenchments and ruined retirements (All bad things start with the letter "R", Rudoph!), isn't it refreshing (here's a good word) to find a rebel (another "R") without a cause?
This rebel might live amongst your midst.
So here goes. The list of 10 Things to leave an impression.
- Ask what the official "start" time at work is. Well...
- Announce that you will have to leave work everyday at 6pm sharp (well for someone who didn't know the official "start" time, its good you at least know the "end" time) because you have "6 plants" or "2 kids" or "3 iguanas".
- Talk about yourself for 30mins. Wait for gasps of admiration, talk about self for another 10.
- Don't talk to anybody. Don't talk to ME!
- Ask the rotund lady in the corner "Congratulations! Are you pregnant?"
- Tell the Pakistani colleague, "Your people killed our people!"
- Wear a Turban to work in bid to impress Boss. But see, not all Punjabis are Singhs....
- Wear smelly shoes and secretly take them off when in conference room. When someone notices, stare down person next to you and shake head with silent "tsks".
- Carry a ringtone on your handphone that's a chirpy tune courtesy of the competition.
- And finally, decorate your workstation with voodoo dolls, charms and talisman to ward off bad spirits.
Now remember to read the next post which lists the 10 ways to KEEP your job!
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