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Important Lessons (2/12/08)
Following my last post on the 10 ways to screw up your job, I decided to follow up with one on 10 ways to keep your job.
Afterall, these are tough times and tough times call for tough measures.
So here goes. The list of 10 Things that will help you keep your job.
- Hoard all stationery so everyone needs to come to you to do every single little thing.
- Come to work on days when retrenchment rumours are strife looking like the harmless, all-important office cabinet.
- Sleep with the Head of HR and keep a Video-tape of said activity.
- Learn to make "beep" sound at office security entrance to save company thousands of dollars on this system - and add a human touch. You can smile.
- Learn foreign tongue of most important person on the Org-Chart and pretend to have relatives from said zipcode where important person originated.
- Find out where Boss buried the last PA.
- Wear a Turban to work in bid to impress Boss. But again, check if Boss is Sikh.
- Make friends with Boss' wife/kids/maid.
- Wear headband with company logo(s).
- And finally, decorate your workstation with voodoo dolls, charms and talisman to ward off bad spirits. This one seems to work with every situation.
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